A Q?

Been put down by the angry side
then snuggled by the cutesie side
left alone on the needing side…

it is hard to open the heart again
and do I really want to?


I hurt… OK?

I left you last night with tears in my eyes
streaming down my face with the knowledge
of who you are and how i really felt about you
but did you have to use your voice on me…
I do wonder what happened, I know you let go
for a short time, I wonder what happened
or who took your mind off me
I know what we have, I know what we had
but it might be time to really let go
what ever hold you have on me it is time Hun
to let me go
I mean just think of a few things with me
I hate winter, you need it to breathe
I need warmth, you suffer in it
you walk every where, I hobble and drive
you watch every cent, I could give a shit
you are a writer, a poet, a creater, a lover
I can’t do any of those, except for love
and even then I lie, cheat, and run
you forgive, but never forget
I can not forgive, even myself
and I never learn by my mistakes
that is all I have to say
we can not talk again, your control
is not where I need to go
so if it hurts me to leave, then so be it
if it hurts her because I did then let it happen
if nothing happens then I thank you


I am ready

as I stand here crying
naked to the world to see
I am ready, take me
to the place that never ends
let my life seal it’s soul
I am back to the point where
what I need and what I want
are just endings
I am ready, take me

the people I love
are so few
they will miss the
curmudgeon of me
I will miss one of them
it has been a hard week
the tears still flowing
as though I was a woman
left feeling the measures
of time, the pains of the world
feel like their mine
and all I want to do
pass not even pass go

as I stand here crying
over what I no longer have
and what I want to have
I realize what I need is
to find the end to the means
chuckle some stones around
light a candle to show the sign
speak to the gods and tell them
I am ready, take me


the thoughts of sensuality
are suddenly through my head
they pass along through everything
not a drop of me feels dead
my lips are parted awaiting yours
to join a simple kiss, or lashing
that makes me so damn hard
I just can’t stop from laughing
I wait for your tongue and teeth
to make me moan and make me groan
I have sensations everywhere
from my head down to my toes
I am hard to be and long for you
as one would a ever love
I push inside and as I do
to hear a slightest moan
the kind that makes me want to hold
so tight and never, ever let go
we sweat and sway through nite and day
nothing in our way, on and on
we go together, breathing like the dead
and then I say OMG! and deeper I still lay
a breath I have just taken as I
look around the room, alone I am
as a tear forms from my eye
I love you babe, so want you here
and this dream and I shall sway
until enough time goes by
when it will be today

Full Pink Moon

it is moon time
full moon in fact
tonight is the full
pink moon and
that is how I like
her the most
but today she is
more than special
today is a lunar
eclipse, it takes
my heart away,
makes me scream
in envy, and tear
standing still, the
walls are down
and she has entered
floated right in
minding *my* business
to make me feel
right at home
thank you my
for I hate to
come alone

PAD #24 An Auto Poem

Automatically wondering
who is thinking of me
and why are they thinking
that’s the only answer
for out of nowhere, I am
I was not thinking
of a thing, I was teaching
stereo mic techniques and…
Who is this person that has
taken me there,
and why has it been going on
all day
this must be a person that
likes me a lot for she has been able
to break through all of my barriers
all of my walls,
all thoughts against
what she is thinking of with me

who is she?

I’d really like to know

1 year

oh well, here I am
sitting in my chair again
just wondering what it
would have been like
if I stayed
not so good is what
I think, there were too
many arguments too
many let downs, too
much loneliness
especially when we
were together
it has been a year
since I left, thankful
that I did and I don’t
want to go back
I can see our old
selves come back
when we talk and I don’t
want that again, so then
tell me… why did I just
have a dream and in it
was just the two of us
and we were talking
about the divorce papers
and bills and health when
she asks me how my left
one was, my response was
that it was starting to feel
much better, do you want to
see? she said yes, so…
I dropped my jeans and let
them out, she reached out
for them and held them in
her hands looking up at me
asking if that was ok,
my answer yea and it feels
pretty good, she looked at me
and them and me again when
she suddenly kissed the head
softly, holding me there, kissed
again and then swallowed me
to the back of her throat
back and forth she went
deeper and deeper it felt
OMG, she was sucking
me off! I have not had any
form of sex with her for years
and now she wants to do this
she went faster and harder
never letting me out just
sucking forever it felt
it got to the point when I
was just about to cum
and I forced my way out
of he mouth, and said
thats it… now get out!
she sat there, looking at me
I said really… just go…
she then packed up all her
things and walked out the door
without looking back…
I then woke up, and I was so
angry I could have killed myself
for allowing that to happen
but it was a dream
a dream
why the fuck would I dream that
it pissed me off so much,
I am still so fuckin angry…
I am glad I am alone tonight
I’ll just eat some dinner
walk and get some rye
to settle down with while
I look up at the moonlight
and pray