A Q?

Been put down by the angry side
then snuggled by the cutesie side
left alone on the needing side…

it is hard to open the heart again
and do I really want to?

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I hurt… OK?

I left you last night with tears in my eyes
streaming down my face with the knowledge
of who you are and how i really felt about you
but did you have to use your voice on me…
really?
I do wonder what happened, I know you let go
for a short time, I wonder what happened
or who took your mind off me
I know what we have, I know what we had
but it might be time to really let go
what ever hold you have on me it is time Hun
to let me go
I mean just think of a few things with me
I hate winter, you need it to breathe
I need warmth, you suffer in it
you walk every where, I hobble and drive
you watch every cent, I could give a shit
you are a writer, a poet, a creater, a lover
I can’t do any of those, except for love
and even then I lie, cheat, and run
you forgive, but never forget
I can not forgive, even myself
and I never learn by my mistakes
*sigh*
that is all I have to say
we can not talk again, your control
is not where I need to go
so if it hurts me to leave, then so be it
if it hurts her because I did then let it happen
if nothing happens then I thank you

a

I Wonder if I Can

ok, so lets move on
I lie
I have been a liar for
most of my life
I was raised by a liar
and I always knew when
he was
I saw this and I didn’t want
to be this way, but…

the first thing, I think, to help
is to stop lying, which is
pretty much impossible

the next thing would be that
as soon as you tell a lie
tell the person you just lied to
that
you lied…
and duck when she throws the punch

there… its done, you told a lie
and admitted it before it turned
itself into a whole series of lies
boom
done
clean
what a fuckin concept

I wonder if I can do that

Just Some Words

so what do you say when the world goes crazy
when everyone around you seems so lazy
and your mind is stuck in nothing but hazy
like drowning in a sea of endless jacuzzi

I want to know more but keep learning less
my time on this world just tells me to guess
the more I try seems like a bigger mess
and all I have left is something to compress

I am feeling trapped in my own creation
like a teacher holding me back for detention
or my outwardness squashed by depression
I could use a little accommodation

so scratch my back and tickle my toes
and find some peeps to call my beaus
my numbers are fading and this I knows
so call on the stars to throw me some virgos

le communique?

nows what
wheres what
whos what
how
I hang on every word
`cept when there’s none
then I go fetal
what’s now
whats where
whats who
wow
I’m beginning to believe
this might not be good for me
nows what
wheres what
whos what
how
did it get this way
am I the only one that sees
me fetal
no help
needs help
gives help
dies…

le communique?

not today…

I am ready

as I stand here crying
naked to the world to see
I am ready, take me
to the place that never ends
let my life seal it’s soul
I am back to the point where
what I need and what I want
are just endings
I am ready, take me

the people I love
are so few
they will miss the
curmudgeon of me
I will miss one of them
it has been a hard week
the tears still flowing
as though I was a woman
left feeling the measures
of time, the pains of the world
feel like their mine
and all I want to do
pass not even pass go

as I stand here crying
over what I no longer have
and what I want to have
I realize what I need is
to find the end to the means
chuckle some stones around
light a candle to show the sign
speak to the gods and tell them
I am ready, take me

Not today

I have done nothing
I am getting swallowed up
in my own self pity
my strength is gone
out the window with
my last seizure
down the hole with
the nothingness
of life
today is not the day
to talk to me
I will take you and
everyone you know
down with me
so just leave
me be