I have enough pains, and love is the biggest


17 responses to “Love?

  1. Love is a gift.

    You have known it – lived it and you now share it with someone.

    Don’t make her a pain too – just love her and live a good life.

    I got the hint and have already admitted you were right – and that were wrong.

    It was fun while it lasted.

    Be ok – ok?


    • I have constantly read and reread every word we ever shared, every tear between us, everything along the way, and everything that we said since December was wrong. I can not do that any longer so it is all deleted, everything… *sigh*
      I know you don’t want to hear this but I miss you terribly and can not deal with that very well so… you are as close to gone as I can get you to be.

      I shall repeat myself for the last time, I/we are not in love, if anything it is pure lust, what happens after, who knows but we really are using each other and we both know it.

      btw… sex? you were my saviour

      • I don’t have to be gone – I just have to come to terms with the fact that you left me in September and I didn’t know it until December. I am sorry I hurt you on the phone – I was pretty sore myself and if you would – maybe you could cut me some slack for that. You have had months – I haven’t – it is still raw.

      • the months you say I had were me building up the the shit state I am in. We met in September, yes, but did not engage in each other till I got back from my last trip to you… and that did not cause my demise, it was me, the divorce, the breakdown, and the vertigo… along with everything else that has happened… but you know this and are still not hearing it out

    • I have no other choice if I am to bounce out of where my brain is now…

      I dreamt of nothing but you last night, pulling up to the window and ordering a coffee, you heard my voice as I heard you scream and saw you running out the door to meet me

      another was me waiting on a Friday morning and walked in on your breakfast and asked if I may join you

      and yet another we made love in the bathroom of the breakfast place

      and another I had a room waiting for us for when you showed up for breakfast I asked the ladies if I could speak to you privately and we went straight for the room and fucked for hours

      In all of these dreams the most important thing was the hug, it happened first and answered all the possible questions that we had…

      I will never be without you, you know… you are in my soul


      • I know – I would say lets do it together but I know you have asked that I leave you alone to do it on your own. If you ever change your mind I happen to know a little bit about nervous breakdowns – maybe I could help?

      • not sure if I can help you there since I am so fucked up now.. but then again since he is back maybe I should just be gone and suffer in my own shit for a life time or two… after all
        “Any life that isn’t poetry isn’t real”
        so I must not be real after all…

        I will be gone for a few days, back on Monday

      • I am very confused by what you just said – I was almost hoping you would tell me whether or not you want me to leave you to sort through alone or whether I might be able to help – or even do it with you with me along side you so that you have my full support in whatever you need to work through. ‘He’? – do you mean Ken?

      • Um – ok. No one said you had to tell me anything – it is ok.

        If you ever want to – you can – or if you never want to – that is fine to.

        I won’t try to force you to do anything – make your own choices and I will quietly support them in a way that I hope will do you no harm.

      • If it is Adrien that you mean – you know full well the man wouldn’t cross the street to piss on me if I was on fire at this point Allan – so if you mean him you needn’t bother to concern yourself with him – it is YOU that I am worried about and I would like to help you if you would allow me to in some way.

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