my tears, my eyes, my horrid song
all lead me to my sorrow
it is too much for me today
and I already wish it was the morrow
2013 you are being to cruel to me
and it has just begun
what will the rest of this
shit year bring when all
is said and done
I am at this point
the weakest I have ever been
it makes it so hard to go on
even though I know I will
no matter what, it will be tough
for what I need is too far away
and she can not get here
alone I stand, in the muck of sorrow
feeling all the pains
of my body and my heart
my grey cells are all failing me
and I have no room for delusion
cremation is a good solution
while alive, let me feel its pain
those of the flames i have felt before
and spread me out on the lower
and say goodnight to me

9 responses to “2013

  1. Sometimes it is all too much. Sometimes I too would like the “world to stop” ;I’d like to get off it for a while, just a little while at least. The year/world began for me this way last year. It is getting better now, but it was hard.
    Hoping peace for you…..

  2. I hear you.
    You have to grieve.

    I wrote you a tremendously long and important [to me] comment here, which wordpress just gobbled and sent away to the ethers. I’m sorry, because I really wanted to say something to you. It took me forever to write, and now I’ve lost it. Maybe I’ll find the words again. [Just discusted.]
    Until then, I want to say that I don’t think you need to “toughen up.” I think you are brave and strong to share so much, and I think that’s pretty tough, which I admire. And I like your writing, even if you are just “writing for you.” Or, because of it. It’s real, which is what I care about.

    There will be better times, I promise. Until then, hang on. No one’s ever prepared for this.
    Prayers and good wishes for you-

    • what a smile and laugh you just brought to me, yes I write for me, thats the only way it can get out. If I was writing for others I think I would have to shoot myself because I can not live by others opinions, just not made for that.
      I would have loved to read what you wrote originally but, wordpress does have its problems… *shrug*
      I thank you so much for your support through this and for liking my writings also…


  3. No one has the right to tell another how to grieve. Everyone will experience it someday, in their own way, and when they do, there will at some point be the aloneness in it that no one can truly share, or take from them. No one can really say “I know just how you feel.” Not really.
    To share it anyway, that takes some kind of faith and it’s a dare, that someone will hear, will know, will connect to it, even if it may be no one but the Creator. To write it, any part of it, with truth, that’s actually a gift. In my opinion.

    Somebody hears, and accepts, draws courage from your words. These are words that make me know, yes, I can still write something real, even while I am still in the woods. It doesn’t have to be what EVERYBODY wants to read. It doesn’t have to be understood by all, or comfortable for all. Just real. Thank you, Al.

  4. So much about 2013 hurt like hell but in all ways it was one of the best years of my life because I got to share it with you – to see you break free and become independent (even though it often seemed as though you were giving birth to yourself with all the attended pains associated with such an event)

    2013 may eventually become one of your ‘lost’ years (we all have those) just due to the amount of pain, heartbreak and fears it brought.

    2014 will bring something different to you – to us both but at least we will still be sharing it with one another and keeping each other strong.

    I’m looking forward seeing what we can do with it as we move forward.

    Now lets get you to stop trying to die on me – we made a deal about that a long time ago and I think we may have agreed that I get to go first …

    That way, you can hold my hand when I say good bye – remember? (A was going to do that for me once but I think he may have changed his mind over the past few years although I would welcome him too if you two could get along for five seconds :))


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