well, here we go
been separated for 6 months
and today we began to discuss divorce
it was hard, it was brutal, it was productive
it was alright
we talked about everything
she had a list of questions, I had none
I answered everything she asked… truthfully
and explained in full detail why I was afraid of her,
why I felt distanced from her, why I felt sexless with her
anything she asked was answered, and whatever I asked
she answered
at times tears came upon her eyes, other times I crawled
into my shell, but just long enough to find the true answer
then no matter how hard it was, I answered
I told her about how I have lied, made up stories
concocted anything just to keep her satisfied…
and had been doing that for years…
we went down the road of why, what happened to
our sex drive, since we went from fucking our brains out,
to once a year, if we were lucky, to nothing in the past 12 years.
The question of why did we even stay together came up…
the answer..
we are both not sure, we both thought things would keep getting
better, and they did in some ways, and did not in others.
I told her that even though she desperately needed and wanted a career
once she finally found one that made her happy, I felt us go
in separate ways, and we still are…
we both agreed, she smiled and said “ok… lets figure this out”
off to the study we went, got the numbers on our savings,
we will split those, the house go up for sale in the spring with
a 50/50 split, furniture we will each get some and sell the rest…
we are getting divorced

Now, I have to make a few contacts and find out how one goes
about a amicable divorce, for we both agree…

I need a drink, and I know she has got to be on her third gin and tonic by now


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