Please Allow Me #4

OK, so I am doing well, working for a great studio in NYC, have wife and a lover, and now I need brain surgery. OK, fine… lets go.. It was discovered that I have an AVM and it was going to be alleviated. Into the hospital I go, work is supporting me, parents were there (which was weird enough) sister, wife.. sheesh.
I get prepped for the surgery tomorrow, everyone leaves for the night and out of nowhere pops Julie with the studio manager. I was so happy!!! We hugged, kissed, talked for what seemed like hours, Ivan (studio manager) left a long time ago and it was just the two of us. I don’t remember anyone coming by to say she had to go so we just kept on talking… eventually she did leave but before she did she handed me a bag filled with boxes of Jello mixes, never did understand why…
The next morning I get wheeled in for the surgery.
It turns out that the AVM was bigger than expected, they thought there was 1 blood vessel feeding it and there turned out to be three. Was on the table for 8 hours when they decided to stop for it would have been too much a strain on my heart. It was to be followed up by a second procedure.
I was wheeled out of the room and set up is a post op waiting area, was given a intern(?) to watch over me. He was reading a newspaper more than he was watching me and as I was lying there I coughed kinda hard, was smoking two packs a day then, he looked at me to see if I was ok, I looked at him and said “I guess I should not cough so hard” and he agreed and went back to his paper. So, I am lying there feeling like I am starting to catch a buzz, things are just looking different, eyes feel like they are closing when a nurse, or head nurse walks in. I see her image as she is throwing my “watcher” off his chair, I get this weird smile on my face, and as she starts putting pressure on my groin, I am gone… remember nothing more from that room, but I do remember “floating” just being sort of somewhere when in a distance I see a light. Now people… I am not kidding, I saw the light and was being drawn closer to it.
The closer I got the better it felt and I so wanted to get right up there and touch and hug it, but as I did I heard a voice say “you are to go back and help people” Huh??? “Go help” was all I heard, and then the next thing I knew was back in my hospital bed, in my room with way too many people around me.
Things calmed down as the day went on, people seemed to back off, and I kept going in and out of sleep. I don’t remember if Julie was ever back while I was still there, I’d have to call it a maybe. But everyone else was. I got to go home a few days later, and it went from being with doctors nurses and family to being with wife and friends.
I remember the doc telling me to be careful as the brain will be swollen for a few weeks. And for the first few days I was (I think) but after that my attitude started coming back. I remember saying to myself, ok, so you wanted to kill me, and probably still do so lets see if you can… I started getting high first with some pot, and then moved to the coke. I took it on heavily, snorting my ass off and nobody could say no to me. I was determined to die, and challenged it with everything I could find. Nothing worked… I am still here…
About a month after I went back to work and so did the wife…


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