I Live

I left her today
sitting naked on the stairs
tears starting to form
but I had to
I can not move backward
I must do as I say and keep going
I need to be away from here
the life I built
the one thats making this so hard

I walked out the door
turned and locked it behind me
walked down the stairs to the car…
a few deep breaths bropught me inside
ignition key, turn motor, pull out
fuckin tears all the way to starbucks

I know this is going to be hard
I get the coffee and drive to my studio
there I get offered a BLT
yes, as I do every Sunday
up to the studio
sit to eat, cry… we all know why
30 is a long fuckin time

My painting sucked today
barley got any done
hung my head low and thought
I know what I am doing
and I know why
I’ve know it would be hard
but we are making it easier so far

She offered me this on our anniversary
if I want to I can go
months a d months ago
and she said how we should do it
fair and square
lets go
on day two, working towards that goal
it is still going as planned
hiding the tears from each other and moving forward

I am moving towards my freedom
not really from her
but most certainly from myself
and the lies, and stories that have been told
to make life in her eyes seem good
while in mine…
fuck
you get to the point that you must let go
in order to see life again
I don’t want to see it again
I need to see it again
if I don’t
I shall die, and that would have been fine

but not any longer
I need to live, I have a life to save
children to meet, friends to all
that i can be there…
I love again, I see again, I feel again
and I don’t want to let that go
so now, I make my move
for me… and for them
let us live happily while we can
and then pass on to the other one

I live

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2 responses to “I Live

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