Its done!

Unbelievable but true, I came across a blog yesterday that I felt knew what I was and have been feeling since the whole story began. I replied to the site letting the owner know so, we replied back and forth and finally her last one said this:

Hey AL? I’m never letting go of the people I love – they are in my cells and part of my soul – I breathe them in every time I I take a breath for myself. You can’t let go – never, ever. So instead – let it scab over – like a sore…like a blister on your heart from unaccustomed wear. You will always have a hard part – a portion of skin that is less flexible – is in fact immovable – but tough. Keep love there. It is the stronger skin. Be well, M.L.

Jeezus Fuckin Christ M. L. how the fuck did you learn this? You may have just saved my soul. Thank you…

If I may ask you this question: who are you?



6 responses to “Its done!

  1. I am nothing but a nightmare to some – to others I have been a friend – a few have even loved me, god help them.

    I don’t really have an identity – I am what the people who care for me see me as and right now that would probably make me none very special.

    • Oh my dear person I so disagree, you have just flown to the top of my VERY SPECIAL list. Do you have any idea what your words have just done for me? Granted I will never be whole again but I can suddenly have a breath of fresh air without coughing myself to tears.

      • Being whole just means that you haven’t been able to give a piece of yourself to someone you love yet – whole people are just people in waiting.

        I have been checking some of my seeds today – planning to do a germination test to see which packets have enough viable seed to make them worth planting this spring…

        They are holding the best of what they have inside – they will need to be scraped a bit in order to accept what they need to burst out of their shells and grow into something beautiful.

        People are like that too.

        If you want to bloom you first have to start to grow – hard to do if there is a thick shell with no cracks to grow out from.

  2. How true and right you are M. L. I unfortunately have way too many cracks to deal with.
    One of them got some big help today but still there are many others to deal with.
    Love is and always be an issue, so is health, so is age, all join together to make a broken soul however I will be eternally grateful and do now consider you a friend, whether ok or not you are now within my very small posse.

  3. You have my e-mail – if you ever do want to write you can.
    I will answer as soon as I can – I am not always up to it these days but I think I like the thought of being part of a posse – even if it is very small.

    It feels a little less lonely than the party of one I am usually in.

    So – thanks AL.

    Love is always possible you know – age means very little in love.

    The man I loved was almost 20 years older than me and it made no difference in the way I felt for him at all – he just became more beautiful to me with each passing year.

    I have something in common with your Lady friend AL but I hope I will serve you better as a friend than the one I was for my lover.


    • TY, you need not rush to answer any mail from me, I will write and when you can answer I now know you will. I actually like small posse’s, the smaller the better. I am not a fan of people very much, hence the term misanthrope. Their morals are all screwed up. Not that mine are all that great but I try. One main thing I believe in is that if I say I am going to do something I make sure I get it done, if I can not I let the person know so. I find this lacking these days.

      The thing with age and love is… how old do you feel? I am 57 and I feel very much an old 57 for a lot of reasons. If I felt a young 57 I would be out on the streets taking in life and maybe even enjoying myself. I felt that with her, even before her I was still rockin’ but I crashed sooooo hard from her releasing me plus the fact that my health had me weak anyway… lets just say that the first iota of happiness came to me yesterday and it came from you. Your passing of your knowledge of pain in the heart, and never forgetting past loves hit dead on its mark for me and I understood everything.

      Upon further thought age does mean very little in love to a point. For example if you are 35 and I am 57 and we are in love, for thenext 10 years it can and will be verrrrry happy but as time goes on everything get harder. When you are 55 do you want to be or can even handle being in love with someone that’s pushing 80? So, here you are still beautiful and young while you are on the arm of someone that will be considered you grandfather? OY… as you can see I have thought way too much about this, and that is what was so good about being with her, I was 55 and she was 51, we both had health problems, both had seen death already and both wanted each other… well she just for a little while and I still, but my scab is growing šŸ˜‰

      ML I welcome you to my life, if you ever need to talk/write/whatever hit me up, I will be there for you. If you can, consider this now a party of two, if that is too much then a party of 1.5 but no matter what I will always be here.

      Do not concern yourself with how well you can serve me as a friend, you are incredible and that’s all need be said.



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