My day…

So sad, so sad, so sad not to be so glad
on a day such as this there is no joy within me
I just have to bury myself deep within the sheets
and await the time when I can rise up again
to test the results of the meds
have they helped today
have they made that pain go away
or do I go down again and hope that
tomorrow will be better than today
I’ll eat some food, maybe some sweets
have an ice pack upon my head
if nothing helps than there is no choice
but to go straight back to bed

`night all


Just had to…

What to do when the marriage turns
into a sexless marriage
Does one turn and head for the hills
to find a sheep or maybe a carriage
Some say deer are fine
but I think I would rather
have an ostrich as mine
or if I am all alone
I could masturbate
while on the phone
or go on line and catch a vid
where there were once tapes
that had to be hid
Once, twice, three times a day
be it dry, or with some lotion
sure it could be done until
discovering the perfect motion
Wouldn’t it be very funny
if Dr Seuss had a honey
that would not when he would want
and he would have to go pay money
or stand alone in the shower
to lather up real good
he could get as hard as a tower
and cum on his own as he should


I am not a mother
have no idea what it would be like to be one
I am not a father
would not know what to do if I became one
I have no children
nor do I feel I want to have any
I am feeling for a mother now
my heart is going out to her in the strongest ways
the more I learn about motherhood
the more I cry
sympathetic tears for her
the more I know
the harder it becomes to not somehow…
be there to help
with her children
with her life
with her needs
and desires
and lonliness

I am not a mother
starting to have an idea what it would be like to be one
I am not a father
would not know what to do if I became one
I have no children
nor do I feel I want to have any
hell with love attached
could describe the mother that I speak
she has monsters, demons in her eyes
can not eat, sleep, or even
dream without them
but yet she goes on
on for her children
on for her self
on for her monsters
on for her tears

I am not a mother
have no idea what it would be like to be one
I am not a father
would not know what to do if I became one
I have no children
nor do I feel I want to have any
my life has been easy from others standpoint
my demons are my own
my health is my major one, so are former loves
but not so much, except for one
I’ve cried for my death wish to come
but now that I know a mother
I wish for me to be stronger in body
I wish for me to be stronger in mind
I wish for me to help chase
these demons from her mind
and make her stronger to where she should have been
to enable life again to her
that she lost so young
to give her breath
where she has lost so much of
to give her dreams
of peace and harmony
without the monsters,
and devils

just be strong my mother
and it will come…
I know you are
let them run…


driving to nyc last night, going down the road that she lives off of
started thinking of her again, looking into car windows to see if she might be
of course she would not be, I know her work hours but kept looking anyway
As we were driving, myself the passenger, we were getting close to her exit
and the thoughts of her were getting stronger, what we did, how we did, when…
I was asked if I was getting hungry, I was so I reached back for the bag
in there were sandwhiches, fruit, chips, etc. So I went to pull out a sandwich
from the bag and whoosh, the damn thing flew right out of my hand and landed
face down on the car floor. I began scrambling to get it cleaned up before the oils
and vinegars seeped into the carpet while driver was all over my ass with what happeneds
I had a flashlight, napkins, and anything else I could find to clean it up while the driver was
hitting me with whats, hows, pull overs, light turn ons, just leave me alone and let me clean
is what I wanted to scream, but I answered all things as nicely as I could, and when I finally
looked up and gave her the sandwich to throw out the window i realized that we were well
past her town and into the next state. Thats when I realized what had happened…
She, the Queen Witch Bitch Fuckin Whore-the former lover whom I have no more, felt my presence coming and threw a “punch” my way to keep me away… whoo boy did it ever work
not that I was going to her but… it was sort of like the flying monkey creatures in the Wizzard of Oz protecting the Wicked Witch of the West. Only now they were protecting the Wicked Queen of Egypt. She won again and I hid my tears in the dark car as we munched on corn Bugles…


Make the best of work tonight
and get home safe and warm
whence once you shuttered
through your sleep
allow that ebb to swarm
say your prayers
relax your mind
you are among nows friends
where once you were a cold hard stone
now become that bird in flight
let you heart beat upon your wings
soar up to new and greater heights
as you glide above the tops
allow no one to hold you back or down
be the freedom that you are
set your sights upon the stars
go up and up and up some more
and as you pass the cloud that feels
relax and rest a while…

Last morning I woke with the realization that I am free
free from her spell that held my soul so tight
the curse that was laid upon me two years ago is now gone
with the help of the Great Lady of the North
my heart is breathing life once again

I shall never forget what had happened to me
and how the love was so great and true
but it was only that way for me, certainly not for you
however still i held it so close
never wanting to give it up, screaming no to its demise
but now I have, and always will, I won, you lost so go

My veins will remind me that you are there
my lungs will breath your scent
my eyes will see your face
my hands will feel your breasts in love
remembered in the past

So go, take off leave me on this day
I am free of you for now and ever
go to the other worlds you play
as I breath freely and say
ty to the Great Lady of the North
and the secrets of love she shared

I am free!