Well, there she is…

Just a bit of a surprise but not unexpected. I awoke at 3 in the morning to find her floating at the foot of my bed. Just there, sort of bouncing up and down to keep afloat I suppose. It was what I have come to call her spirit. I think I know why she appeared again, I had asked for peace between us a few days before and gave her a garlic I grew, she looked at me with that “you’ve got to be kidding me look” but it worked. She asked how I was doing and I tried to go lightly by saying I’m alright but of course I could not stop there. I told her my life was a friggin mess, health sucks, I’m falling again, wife and I are separated, which freaked her out and she kept saying “you’re too old, such a bad idea, don’t do that…” But all that was too late since it has been done.
So, I think that, that is the reason why she was here, just to check to see if I really was alone. Yes, I am.
I fell back to sleep while she was still floating and awoke later to my loneliness. Went to work and on Thursday I was at my desk, talking to a student and making plans for the semester end when I heard her say hello followed with my name, it scared the shit out of me, totally unexpected, we haven’t spoke for most of the semester and over the wall comes her voice with my name attached! I stood up, not that I could see anything, and asked it that was her, and she said yes (with a smile on her face I am sure) I said hello back with exhilaration, and confusion, and then went back to the kid I was with. I guess my peace offering worked as we are at least acknowledging each others presence.
And, oh yes… she looked great walking down the hall, her hair in waves, lost some weight, had a bit of spirit in her step. I saw it all from a distance but it was good to see…

There is no help in this blog
none for me anyway
there is only a release
a way for me to get my thoughts
out of my head and onto something
I can check back with from time to time
So, here I am again, wishing for some help
needing someone to come along and say
“Yo dude, every things going to be ok…”
yea, right…
How can everything be ok when nothing seems right at all?
I have entered a new phase, separation
Which is fine, at least I am alone and feeling lonely
crying out for a love that is not there, once again
she has appeared, keeping me up all night, I get up
and walk the floor, kicking myself at how I let that love
affect my life so much
And now, what now, I have been offered a farmhouse with acreage
to raise my allium but at this point it is a, so what…
do I really care, do I want to do that anymore?
eh… I don’t fuckin know
all I wanted was love, all I got was partial…
Hey! any one out there care to sex me up? Don’t bother…
I will probably fall in love with you and my heart will get broken again
so please, just stay away
and let me live my own private hell while you read about it
whoever you are…