Help…

omg do I ever need it now… I am lost, lonely, tired, pained, and overall fucked.
It has been 8 months and she still has not left my mind, everyday, every night, every hour she is in there and won’t come out. I know what is killing me about this and that is she brought me happiness and joy that no one else was ever able to show me and yet she then show me pain, misery, disrepair like no other. And that is now ruining my life. I know have to leave the life I have had for the past 30 years for there is nothing left for me here. There is no joy, no happiness, nothing that says to me how good this is and how great it has been. The only feelings I have now are that I want to live alone, be alone, and if I find loneliness at least I will find it alone. We have talked about this, fought about this tried to recover from it and I want to be alone, period. So, how in the world do I get the confidence to do so when I feel so down, so blue, so alone. There is no support standing behind me, nothing, no body to say atta-boy you got it now, nope nothing…. so I am on my own to get on my own, to feel alone on my own to have the balls to get on my own…

shit…

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